How to manage abuse in your relationship| Olayiwola Omokehinde

When you look at a man or a woman that you envy, in their various vocations they’ve achieved one way or the other in their lives—they have results to show to the world. It’s a sign that they have a level of understanding and that understanding is what makes them outstanding. I don’t want you to live your life in ignorance.  Your husband is the father of your children, the grandfather and the great-grandfather of your children likewise your wife too. It’s a chain, a web, and a network. You cannot avoid stumbling into the field of ignorance. Ignorance to me is not an excuse. I usually say that; a pastor will not sleep on the pulpit, a doctor will not sleep in the hospital, a banker will not sleep in the bank, an engineer will not sleep in his workshop; everybody goes home. That home is a place we should cherish, love and take care of it.

Abuse! Abuse in a simple way means abnormal use. Listen to this, “in life where there is no value abuse is inevitable”. Anything you value you’ll surely put a price tag on it. You verbally abuse your wife, husband and most of all your children. A situation whereby you look at your spouse and you call her names, tell her she’s good for nothing. There is no child, wife or husband that you’ll keep saying or speaking negative words to their lives that will respond to you emotionally, most of all your wife. “A woman is like a well”. You don’t shout at her. How can a responsible father and a husband wake up in the morning and start cursing his children and wife? Hey! You have to change! Your children will be the one to take care of you in your old age. The Bible says “you speak what you want to see”. Whatever you speak to your child or children today, you’ll surely harvest the seed in the nearest future.

You look at your daughter or son and you tell them, they won’t prosper, I tell you they won’t prosper. Stop saying negative words to your children! Mothers, don’t agree with that, by the time he’s speaking it, just be doing the otherwise. Reject it for your children. By the time both of you are reaping the harvest, remember you spoke to their existence.

Mothers, how you feel about your home today defines the level of maturity through which you entered into a marital vow. The Bible says “in everything you’re getting get wisdom, by wisdom the house is built, by understanding it’s established.” Your husband utters a single word and you reply with the greatest provocation, why won’t he beat you? The Bible says “it’s only a fool that says everything in his mouth”. I don’t want you to be foolish. Silence sometimes doesn’t mean you don’t know what to say; it shows how wise and mature you are. Just keep quiet. Remember you are the main agent of socialization in your children’s life. They would observe and imitate you. It is in the family that your child first learns attitude and ways of behaving. Don’t forget that what they learn from you have a strong influence on them because it enters their lives at the most impressionable period. Be very conscious of what you do in their presence.

The more you verbally abuse your family, the more you destroy your home. A day would come, that they’ll lose their self-esteem. Stop using your family abnormally. Will you be able to sleep on a well-laid bed? An adage says “the way you lay your bed you lie on it”. Do you want your children to take care of you because of what people are saying? Do you want your children to tell you, you are not worth who they will cater for? I must confess, my heart is burning for this generation. How can your two, three, a four-year-old child see you crying and he/she asked you: mum why are you crying? Has daddy hurt you again? Has he beaten you? You’re killing your generation gradually! Stop abusing your wife.

Whenever you offend your wife, children or husband, please learn to say sorry. Say sorry to your children when you offend them. If you refuse to tell them sorry, at the end of the day people will be sorry for you. Don’t say their childhood is affecting or worrying them. Forget about the children’s behaviour and apologize for your own inadequacies. And listen, if you are apologizing, that should be accompanied with love; don’t just say sorry for sorry sake. Your children are your wealth. You should understand what I mean by that. When your friends desert you and the world seems like a lonely desert, your children will still be there for you and you can make a memorable world out of them.

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