Living with a Jealous and Nagging Lover by Funmi Oke

Being in love is beautiful. When you fall in love, you decide to be committed to just one person and then the relationship starts. You discover you always want to hear the person’s voice because it makes you happy. You don’t want to do anything that will anger the person as such sometimes you go out of your convenience to please the person.  Well, life is give and take, you have to sacrifice some things to get a good and peaceful relationship because it’s between two of you.

Credit: tellyouall

Many people are in relationships and have sacrificed a lot in the relationship just to keep it standing. They have had to give their time, money and even body. In this case, it could happen to either party; man or woman. If it happens to the man, the man may be the one spending the money in the relationship. He caters for everything money can buy in the relationship including the woman’s needs and this could also be the same for a woman. These people may not complain because they are capable but in a relationship, nothing should be lopsided. Yes, most of our cultures paint man as the head and should be responsible for everything but that does not mean a woman cannot help out sometimes, especially if the man is not buoyant.

Time is very important. So many people have sacrificed their time in a relationship. Most times, it happens to the woman. They have to be at their boyfriends’ house to cook, clean and wash. God help them, he is the one that pays their bill they would be forced to give their whole time to him and if he nags, he will continue to remind them that he pays their bills and they cannot live without him. Like we all know, time is precious. Baby wise up, the time you are giving to a man you are not sure will get married to you is too much even some married women do not give that much time to their husband and they do not have problems about time.

Body! Body!!Body!!! Honestly, this depends on individuals in the relationship. If I say it’s wrong some people will criticize me and if I say it’s right some other people will also criticize me. But, I remember I have a right to my opinion. What I think about this is….if I continue to give my body to any man that comes my way then how many men will I give my body to before I settle down with one? My opinion though.

The issue now is that some people give all the aforementioned things to their man and still get abused. They will be beaten to pulp and they keep quiet. Before marriage, this man has been giving signs, he’s slightly slapping your face or has even hit you but you keep saying he made a mistake, he will change. Then you go on to marry him and then he unleashes the animal in him. My dear, I accept you have made the mistake but please, it’s not too late to run for your life. You are thinking what about my kids; I don’t want them to have a broken home experience. But what about the psychological problem you are unknowingly creating for them? They may see fighting as a good thing. Especially if you have boys, they may think their father is doing the right thing and decide to do same at school. If you lose your life in that abusive relationship, you leave your children with that man that beats you and even caused your death.

He then marries a woman who treats your kids like trash. I’m sure you won’t want your kids to be ill treated. So, please leave the relationship now that you still can. You might be wondering what about the holy book that frowns at divorce, well you can still do something; separate from this man and you can continue to pray for a change of heart for him but don’t stay in his house and pray because in the course of praying, he may kill you.

I’m sure you heard or read of the story of the mother of four who was electrocuted while trying to switch on the generating set for her husband and children. She had been enduring the pain; the man did not allow her to even speak with her mother or friends. He constantly gave her new Sims because he did not want men to call her. He even followed her to women meetings at church. Now she’s dead, I feel for her family and most especially, her four kids. May her soul rest in peace.

My single ladies, you still have the right to leave that abusive relationship. There are no children you want to think of, don’t make the mistake of walking down the aisle with him, instead of walking down, walk away, in fact, run away. You don’t want to endure marriage when you can enjoy marriage. Think twice before saying “I DO”. Please, think about this, does he abuse you physically or psychologically? If he shouts out all the time, BEWARE. He will instill the spirit of fear in you and when you are scared of him, you will always do his wish even if it’s contrary to your will. Please my dear “RUN”. You will get someone that will cherish you and love you for who you are. Avoid a mistake you will forever regret.

OKE OLUWAFUNMILAYO is a final year student of the Department of Communication and Language Arts, University of Ibadan.

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