I have asked myself several times; why do couples express so much joy and happiness at the altar when they say “I do” but end up living like neighbors after the question has been answered in the affirmative? Really, why? Is it that they did not understand the question asked at that time or they didn’t hear the question well?
Saying I do to a man or woman is beyond the ephemeral pleasures and ecstatic feelings that embraces the atmosphere when you look into each other’s eyes. It is beyond the shining diamond stars that unfold from his eyes or her eyes after some seemingly untrue moments. You better wake up from your fantasy when it comes to point you have to say YES OR NO. You need to ask yourself first the following five questions and be true to yourself when answering them.
- Do I really love this person I call sweetheart, honey and the likes? This question is a crucial one and should not be taken lightly. The fact that your heart beats faster when you see him/her does not entirely denote that you do love him/her. Check yourself and ask yourself. Do I love him because he is the only available person or he takes care of me and buys me stuffs or because he is so handsome, or my pastor says we are good together? If you don’t want to be miserable all your life, don’t marry someone that you do not love because by the time you are married, you will live with him/her but your heart will always beat for the love of someone else. Is that what you want?
2. Can I cope with his weaknesses? Don’t ever think your spouse will change over time, you are making a mistake. If he doesn’t change now, he can never change. You don’t like a guy that drinks and smoke or you don’t like a lady that that can’t cook and you hope to change them? If you cannot succeed in changing them at the point of your relationship now, it would be almost impossible to change them after you get married unless a miracle happens and miracles don’t happen all the time.
3. Am I attracted to him? Take a deep breath here. If you are not attracted to that person, please how do you intend to love him/her? Lack of attraction can result into irritation and on the long run, hatred. That’s why you see some couples who can barely withstand each other even though they had claimed to love each other then. What happened? Did the love disappear or what? If you don’t want your marriage to turn sour, make sure there is attraction between you two, a spark that only the mind can explain.
4. Does my spouse love God? People rarely ask this question this days but it is true. If your spouse has the capacity to deeply love the God that he does not see then he has the capacity to love you more. Loving God would also help him to understand how to love you, how to be patient with you, how to listen to you even when you are not making sense to him and lots more.
5. Can I cope with his family? Don’t forget that when you get married, you marry his family and you marry her family. At least that I know for Nigerians. Are you sure you are comfortable with his family? If you are not, take your time before you say ‘I DO’ to ensure that things are set right. Having family issues during marriage isn’t palatable, be wise because you might be on your own by then.
These are just a few questions you have to ask yourself. There are more but that would be for another edition. Please add comments or questions in the box below, we can talk it out together.